Spittle Image

June 2017

The In-laws

For many years now, whenever there is news of my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law visiting, I would be overcome with dread and fear. As I questioned myself as to the reason why, I realised that it's because they can be dominating. One example would be their tendency to stand close to me whilst talking, encroaching into my personal space. In defence, I would often step backwards to gain more personal space, only for them to move forward to regain that space, putting me back into that uncomfortable disposition. And as they go from topic to topic, not only would I be encountering their accidental spurts of spittle, but I would have little chance of saying anything back. By the time I find the opportunity to respond to topic A, they would already be on topic D. Such were often my experiences of them, that I find myself increasingly subdued and quiet in their presence. I couldn't be myself, and would often feel unsafe. Should they eventually prompt me for any response, silly words would leave my mouth, rendering me to feel even more silly for having said them.

Through the excellent teachings of Elijah House, God revealed to me that this issue was a present day fruit of some childhood root. It was therefore time to investigate it and to be healed from it.

Inner Healing

Holy Spirit Revelation

I presented the issue to the inner healing ministry team. As they dug deep into my spirit, it transpired that I had made some inner vows in order to protect my heart from being hurt by my in-laws, vows such as:
    • When my in-laws visit, I will be the perfect host.
    • When I visit my in-laws, I will be the perfect guest.
These inner vows caused pressures to my spirit and my being - so much so that silly words would leave my mouth whenever I would be in their presence.

Having established that, the ministry team then asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to me the root cause of the issue. I closed my eyes to help me listen to the Holy Spirit. At first there was nothing, and I couldn't imagine how the Holy Spirit could possibly speak to me about this. But then suddenly...

...The Holy Spirit brought me back to a memory, a time when I was a mere young girl, no more than 7 years old, back in Indonesia. I had wanted to watch my favourite TV programme "Hawaii Five-0". It was the highlight of my week as I had a crush on the main actor, Steve McGarrett (real name "Jack Lord"). Back then (in the 1970s), our TV ran on batteries, and that particular night they had gone flat, so the TV could not even be switched on. As a result, I asked my father if I could go over to the neighbour's house to watch the programme.

My father's reply to me was an immediate "no". In my desperation, however, I pleaded with him in sobs -- but yet again he continued to say "no" with increasing anger in his voice. Then, out of the blue, out of nowhere, I felt my father's hands grip my little body, lifted me up in the air, and then threw me forcefully onto the hard tiled floor. The back of my head hit the floor so hard that I screamed in shock and fear. My little sobs were now turning to loud cries of pain.

As I lay on the floor with tears running down my face, I saw my father looming over me. He seemed so big and dominant; his face only inches away from mine. His eyes were red in what I realised now was demonic anger, and he began shouting verbal abuse at me and slapping my face hard and fast. As he did so, his mouth was seething with slimy saliva which ran down onto my face and into my mouth. I hated it -- it disgusted me! I tried to turn my face away, but his grip on my head was so strong that I couldn't turn and was therefore forced to take all that slimy saliva into my mouth!

The Holy Spirit then brought me to the depths of my emotions. I remembered hating my father after this incident, at times wishing he was dead. I liked it when he was away, but hated it when he would return home. I also wished that I was adopted, imagining that my real biological parents would love me and not treat me in such a violent way. These fantasies became my false refuge of comfort as I grew up.

Jesus Christ Revelation and Healing

In hearing the trauma of the violence and saliva, the minister from the healing team prayed over me -- firstly asking Jesus to lift off the trauma of the spit that was inflicted upon me, as Jesus Himself was spat on and slapped in the face of His suffering. Then the minister prayed for Jesus to lift off the trauma from my brain (for having been knocked on the tiled floor), from my eyes (for having seen the horror of violence and anger), from my ears (for having heard all the verbal abuse), and from my skin (for having experienced the violent slapping and the spits). He then prayed for the broken heart -- of the little girl that I was -- in that place of violence. He reckoned every bad thing that happened to me at that time as being now "dead" in Christ -- before resurrecting me back to life in Christ.

My eyes were continually soaking in tears as I heard the prayers being said over me, the pain of the memory was deep, and I could feel it stabbing inside me. Then the minister asked Jesus to reveal His presence to me so as to heal me from such a memory.

I was still busy crying when suddenly I saw a vision of Jesus, with a crown of thorns around His head; His arms stretched out, wide open. People were spitting hard at Jesus with me crouching behind Him. Those spits were meant to be for me, but He was taking them for me. He was shielding me, protecting me. Then after the spits stopped, Jesus turned to me and hugged me close to His chest where I felt safe and loved. Then I heard myself say, "He loves me...".

More revelations and healing came, as if they were being downloaded from heaven:
  • The crown of thorns that Jesus was wearing symbolised the curses that were spoken to me by my father in his anger. After the fall of man, the ground was cursed to grow thorns and thistles (Genesis 3:17-18). So Jesus wearing a crown of thorns was no coincidence. It represented Him taking the curse for me (and all of us), including curses that come from verbal abuse.
  • Jesus was also spat on, slapped and struck by the Sanhedrin (Matthew 26:67, Mark 14:65). Jesus took the spits of those men because He knew that one day I would be spat on by my earthly father! Jesus has paid for it all (for the healing) in advance! A new light came over me - suddenly Jesus' sufferings became personal and more meaningful to me than ever before! He went through all these things for my sake, for my healing! 
  • The Sanhedrin were supposed to be believers of God, anticipating the arrival of the Messiah -- one would say they were "His (Jesus) very own". But Jesus was rejected, persecuted by them, by His very own. Just like my father was supposed to be my very own, I am of his flesh and blood, yet he was the one who rejected, persecuted and beat me.

Father God Revelation

As the revelation of Jesus Christ and His sufferings was healing me, a further revelation arrived -- this time a revelation of Father God.

In being beaten up by my earthly father that night, I made the following inner vows, judgments and expectancies:
  • That I will never ask my earthly father for anything again.
  • That even if I ask, he will not give me what I ask for, and he will hurt me both physically and emotionally.
  • That my father was not safe to be around, so I will be perfect and nice and will not offend at all.
This was then extended to:
  • I will not be myself, I will be someone else that people (including my father and my in-laws) will like.
Little did I know but my body was complying to these things, I had become all that I said I would be, much to my detriment, especially where my in-laws were concerned. I was no longer able to be the person God had made me and called me to be. The real me was suppressed by all the structures that I had built around my heart - by all the lies, inner vows, bitter root expectancies and judgments.

But more than that and more seriously, these things were significantly affecting my relationship with Father God. Indeed, Elijah House teachings reveal that we project what we think of our earthly mother and father onto God.

As these thoughts came into my mind, I heard God's voice say to me, "Elma, you have not been able to receive from me because you have not believed that I would give you what you asked for". This was shortly followed by a scripture, "Ask and it shall be given" (Matthew 7:7).

I opened my teary eyes, stunned at this revelation. It is so true. So often I have prayed to God asking for Him to meet my needs and the needs of others, and even tell myself that He will give what I prayed for, but in all honesty in the back of my mind there was always a doubt or an unbelief... no confidence that He would actually give (just as I had thought about my own earthly father). The fact that I have often been very surprised when my prayers were answered showed that there was a hidden unbelief somewhere, buried in the depths of my heart and mind. And now the root of all this has been exposed and can be dealt with.

Dealing with the Root

Firstly, in having found the root cause, it is clear to see the similarities between the behaviour of my in-laws towards me and that of my earthy father that night. The encroaching of personal space, the spittle, the feeling of fear and dread. Indeed, I have been reaping from the bitter root judgments I made against my earthly father through my in-laws.
  • So I repented of the bitter root judgments I made against my earthy father. No parent is perfect in their ways (except Father God), but this is not about our parents' imperfections but rather about our sinful responses towards their imperfections.
Secondly, as I kept experiencing the same issues with my in-laws time and again, I had come to the bitter root expectation that every time they visit, they will encroach on my personal space, talk with spittle at me. And in so doing, I had defiled them, causing them to do exactly what my bitter root expectation of them was.
  • And so I repented from the bitter root expectancies I had imposed upon my in-laws.
  • I then asked Jesus to break the power of all these judgments and expectancies over my life, body, soul and spirit, and over my past, present and future. Also for Jesus to take the reaping from me, and to strengthen my spirit to have new, healthy, responses towards them (non-sinful ones).
  • I forgave my earthly father for looming over me, beating me up, shouting verbal abuse, and for the flow of saliva from his mouth to mine. And to that end, I forgave my in-laws also.
  • I repented of the lies that I had come to believe about myself, lies that I should not be myself and that I should create the perfect world for people. I came out of agreement with these lies.
  • I also repented to Father God for judging Him the same way I had judged my earthly father, for doubting His love to give.
  • Finally, I renounced and rejected all inner vows that I have made, asking Jesus to set me free from their power.
Inner vows are especially powerful because they are built upon our free will. This free will obliges our body to comply, and it is a free will that Jesus cannot violate. Therefore, until we reject and renounce our inner vows, there is nothing Jesus can do for us, despite us giving our hearts to Him. Many people have inner vows that they have forgotten about over the years and wonder why Jesus is not coming through for them.

In addition, the power of our inner vows cannot be broken by a mere change of mind on our part, it has to be a "change of heart" and would therefore need to be broken in "Jesus' name".

The session ended with the prayer minister declaring the power of dread and fear taken to the grave of Jesus Christ. Declaring forgiveness for all the sins I had confessed and repented from. Then praying a prayer of blessing over my life, with the peace of Christ ruling over me so that there would no longer be any need for fantasy for false refuge.

The prayer minister then asked me how I would now feel if my in-laws were to encroach on my personal space and start speaking close to my face again. For a moment as I pictured them doing so, I felt a new spirit within me rising in confidence. I will not shrink back, but move my shoulders forward to take back my personal space regardless of any spittle that may come my way. The old fruit has gone!

I came home that night feeling light and free, but exhausted as one that has just gone through a deep spiritual surgery. But I was looking forward to a new healed life in this area.

A Healed Life

The next morning, as I worshiped God, I felt Him so close to me, His love was tangible as was the time He held me close to His chest in my vision. Not only this, but I heard Him speaking words of love over me. Wow, I had never heard Him so loud and clear! I could do nothing but thank Him and surrendered my heart to Him.

Then at lunchtime, people came to my table, sat very close to me and started speaking with their mouth full, spitting bits of their food at me in the process. At first, I was annoyed, but then my heart broke into laughter... this was a test of how I would respond. I rose and moved my shoulders towards one of them who was too close to me, she then shrank back and ate her food in a proper manner.

I rejoiced at the healing that was taking place in my life. I will not fear or dread anymore, I am free from the destructive reaping that stemmed from my earthly father. And despite my earthly father being far from perfect, I do honour him for giving me life.

In addition to this, as I pray my daily prayers, I now feel very excited at receiving God's best for me, whatever that may be. No longer doubting, I actually believe wholeheartedly that He will give. Oh my Father in heaven, how good you are to me! All the glory be to you, and I love you!