Love That Changes

May 2012

Since I was a young girl, I had always dreamt of having my own child, my own flesh and blood, and would never entertain the idea of adoption. The reasons are many. One reason is that I do not have the heart go to an orphanage (for example) to "choose" one, while there may be others looking at me with "Please pick me" in their eyes. Or perhaps to go to an Adoption Agency to be given one, and to have to tell the child at some point in his/her life that he/she was adopted - knowing that he/she may feel hurt that someone out there had rejected him/her. This would be a difficult thing to do for me, and the consequences are unpredictable. Then there is my own personal reason - what if I have my own child after having adopted? Would I love my child more than the adopted one? Of course, I'd want to love them equally, but what if it's something that I would not be able to do or that it's a battle to do so? I guess it's one of those things I wouldn't know until I have to cross that bridge. So for so long, adoption was out of the question for me.

In our current church, my husband and I have been very popular with the children. They flock around us every week, talking and playing with us. One week, a whole group of children surrounded me. One sat on my lap, the rest were sat to my left, right, front and behind. It was mother's day, and they gave me a mother's day card. This melted my heart, I was almost in tears. They all talked to me in unison like there was no tomorrow, all wanting my attention. It was so hectic and noisy, but it was somehow a wonderful moment for me. 

Then, one of the older kids came with a computer game in her hand. All the kids left me, their attention was now focused on the exciting computer game. I was left alone, I felt sad that computers can have such an effect on humans (adults & children alike). But then suddenly, I heard the voice of a little 9-year old girl, she was sat next to me. She looked at me and said,"Elma, I am different, I am not like them, I will talk with you". It was incredible to hear those words, from someone so young that seemed to understand my thoughts at that moment. It was almost as if God was talking to me through her. 

Her unusual behaviour got me thinking back about past weeks where on several occasions, she had run up to hug me saying, "Hooray, Elma is free". Indeed, I was always busy talking to adults after the service, but evidently she had been waiting around for me to become free, whereby she would then run up to hug me. I had never realised this until that moment! This little girl had loved me and I hadn't really noticed it until now. She was also the first person (amongst both adults & children) who ran up to me after my "baptism stone" sermon to ask me about it because she was so astounded by the stone. How could I have missed such love?!

So here she was talking to me when the other children were busy with their computer games. She talked about many things, her school, her week, her family (especially her baby brother whom she adores). It then transpired that her mum & dad live in separate cities, so naturally I asked why this was the case. The moment I asked the question, her smile left her, she became silent, a sadness came over her face. Her eyes turned glassy, the tears started to fill her eyes. They welled up to the brim until they could no longer be contained, then they dropped one by one like precious pearls. My heart broke. I felt her pain. I had touched a place in her heart that was hurting. I hugged her with both arms, holding her tight to try to take her pain away. I tried to give her as much love as I could to try to comfort her. Then at that moment. I felt God touched me in the depths of my being asking, "Could you love and adopt a child like her?" My heart responded with a resounding yes!

Her pain made me love her so much that I would do anything to heal the hurt she felt inside. This was a truth moment for me. I realised that God had used her to change me, to change my heart about adoption, to change the way I have been for 25 years. Now I am free, free from being apprehensive in loving someone else's child. Now I know I could do it because God shown me how to do it through this little girl. 

I told my husband what had happened to me - that I am now open to the idea of adoption. His reaction was one of shock as it came unexpectedly, but he became excited at the prospect that we will have a child one day. I am still believing for a child of my own, but now I am also ready for someone else's child that needs my love. 

Psalm 113:9
He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.

This little girl is indeed different from the rest. God had used her to change me in such a gentle and wonderful way that I can do nothing, but change, and loving the change! She is not mine to adopt unfortunately, but I am there for her whenever she needs me, and I am already loving her as my own.

Today, look around you and see who has touched you - who has changed your life? Your spouse, your children, your friends? Do you love them and appreciate them as they deserve?
What about someone whom you have never met before, who died for you over 2,000 years ago? Do you care for what He did for you?
The love of the 9-year old girl has set me free from the apprehension of adoption that has kept me in bondage for 25 years, but this is only a glimpse of how the love of Jesus has set you free from eternal death:

John 3:16:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believed in him shall not perish but have eternal life.