A New Meaning of Life
You may have heard the story of my baptism stone, some of you have seen it and touched it - and you know about the baby foot print at the back of it. It hasn't been an easy journey for me and my husband emotionally, particularly as we now have 0% chance of ever having a child of our own. We experienced just about every emotion you can think of: anger, sadness, disappointment, hopelessness and hurt from the unfairness of it all. These emotions went away after the baby footprint of the stone came into my life, and the feeling that replaced all the bad emotions was one of submission and the acknowledgement that God knows my problem.
Well, I would like to share with you where I am emotionally today. A couple of weeks ago, as I was having lunch with a friend with the same fate as me, discussing this very topic, God spoke to my heart. He said that if I had even just 1% chance of conceiving - and if I were to conceive - then people would have put it down to that 1% chance. However, if I had 0% chance - and I were to conceive - then people could not put it down to chance, but to a miracle of the impossible, possible only by God Himself.
It suddenly dawned on me that it is a privilege to have 0% chance of conceiving, as this places me in the miracle zone where upon God could use me as a platform to perform His miracle (if ever He wanted to). I had never seen it quite in that light before! And suddenly it's like a grace of wisdom entered my heart, my mind, and my soul....
.... a new level of understanding came to me - and I saw God's grace - how He turned my anger, sadness, disappointment and hurt into one of joy and immense happiness at being at that privileged position to be used by Him whenever He wants to. Then I realised that is what I live for - my breathing on this earth, my existence is for Him first and foremost - to praise Him and to be used by Him in all circumstances. The knowledge blew me away as I sat there flabbergasted, humbled.
The Word comes Alive!
Then a scripture came to me, one about Mary when she discovered that she was to conceive by the Holy Spirit (before her marriage to Joseph). In those days, she would have been considered a disgrace conceiving before marriage, yet she humbled herself and said to God:
"Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word" (KJV)
Now I understand her - "let it be unto me according to thy word" - let it be unto me whatever He wills for my life! If it means having 0% chance of conceiving only be to used by Him, then so be it. That's where I am spiritually, it all makes sense. I feel so free, no longer chained to my desires and wishes, but happy to be in God's desires and wishes instead! Even if God never did use me for the miracle of conceiving, I would still be happy because I have gotten to this spiritual level, this new understanding and this awesome spiritual journey. That is far more valuable than conceiving itself, what a revelation!
And just last night as I was reading the book of Luke again, something else leapt out at me. It rose out of the Bible at me as if in great big letters dancing....
"For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham"
I was astonished at what I had just read. Did I read that right? I had never seen this sentence before. How could that be, as it has been there all the time?! God did you just give that to me? I put the sentence in personal context: "Out of this stone, God can raise a child for me". I cried my eyes out as the words rang out in my heart.
I looked at my baptism stone and wondered if the baby footprint would rise up and become reality, just like the scripture I just read. I was, for a moment, in a world of my own, a world just like the one I used to be in when I was a little girl - full of imagination and magical things. Then, I realised God had just given me a promise through the scripture; a promise that I could hold on to in this journey.
© Elma Larsen. All rights reserved.
©Photo by Robert Larsen