Where is God?

Have you ever wondered where Jesus (or God) is when life goes horribly wrong?

Have you ever wondered whether He cares at all?

One woman asked these very questions during her ordeal of being raped almost to death. Seemingly, she received no answer at that time, but years later during her session with us of healing and deliverance, Jesus turned up personally to show her all the answers, and more!

Such is the power of her testimony that she has given us the permission to write her story in detail, if only to help the world see the truth about Jesus Christ in all our lives today!

A Calling to Freedom

Having heard of people being healed, delivered and set free, a woman came forward to ask for such a ministry. There were things in her life that she felt were unresolved, and she wanted to deal with them. And so, having set a date with us, she turned up ready to unload, and to receive what God has for her.

Healing of the Heart

We started the session by asking the Holy Spirit to bring to the woman's mind any hurtful memories that He would like to heal her from. In just a few seconds, the woman began to cry as she described a time when...

...her violent father was hunting her down in amongst a field of tall plants. She was only six years old. With her, were her two brothers: one was four, the other a mere baby. They ran away into the fields as their father followed them in anger with a machete in his hand. He went about cutting through all the tall plants trying to find them in order to kill them.

As the children ran, their mother joined some way behind. They did not know which way to go, but somehow they just ran and ran. Suddenly their mother caught up with them, and eventually they found a clearing amongst the plants where they were able to sleep for the night; albeit in fear. The clearing had a clump of dry leaves, very much like a nest on which they could sleep comfortably for the night; the leaves kept them warm, and dry from the dampness of the earth.

The woman broke down in tears as she held her scarf to cover her face; feeling the pain of the memory. Then, I asked her to invite Jesus into the scene. After a few more sobs, still with her face covered, she suddenly exclaimed how she saw Jesus behind them as they were running. He stretched His hands out to protect them and to guide them, ushering them in the way they should go. Then, He took hold of their mother to help her catch up with the children; placing Himself behind her and all the children as He ushered them to that place where the clearing was.

The woman's crying quietened as it dawned on her that Jesus was right there at that time in her life! He was the one who protected them, and led them to that place of clearing where they were safe and dry for the night. Then, I heard the woman said, "Wow, Jesus was with us. He cared about us and protected us. That's why we found that place with the dry leaves!".

She pulled away the scarf from her face, and in amazement, she felt Jesus healing her. The pain was no longer attached to the memory, she remembered everything, but there was no more pain, no more sadness, no more fear.

We asked the Holy Spirit to continue with any other memories He wanted to heal. Soon enough, the woman started to describe another event, in the same time frame of her being six years old, when...

...her father was again angry. This time he was beating her mother in the doorway of the house, threatening to kill her and then to start to do so! Her mother's face was covered in blood. Then, she heard her mother telling her to run, and to take her brothers with her.

Seeing that the doorway was blocked (as that was where her father was beating her mother), she ran to a window in the back room. The drop to the ground outside (from the window ledge) was quite far. There was no way anyone could jump down without hurting themselves, or even breaking a leg. So she rolled some bed sheets, and tied them to her four-year-old brother. She managed to lower him down safely. Then, she told her four-year-old brother to catch their baby brother as she threw him down to him. The four-year-old managed to catch the baby with no problem. The woman was astonished, but she had no time to think about that. She was just happy both of her brothers were safe outside on the ground. Now it was her turn to jump. She knew she could injure herself, but she had no choice but to take that risk. To her amazement she made it to the ground unharmed. Her legs were OK, unbroken, uninjured. So, all three children ran to a hiding place.

As they ran, she looked back at the doorway of the house - where her father was still beating her mother in full flow. Her heart broke as she wept, she wanted desperately to help her mother, but she didn't know how to, and her brothers were now in her care, so she had to focus on keeping them safe.

The woman cried in great sobs as she once again covered her face with her scarf; the pain was overwhelming. And so, I asked the woman again to invite Jesus into the scene. As her sobs continued, she began to describe seeing Jesus at the bottom of the window with her four-year-old brother, Jesus was helping him to catch their baby brother as she threw him down. Jesus also helped her jump to the ground, and protected her legs. She was again astonished at how Jesus had been right there at that moment in her life, which explained why all three of them managed to come down safely from the window.

Then as she ran and looked at the doorway of the house, she saw Jesus standing in between her mother and father. Jesus was holding her father's arms, preventing him from hurting her mother further. This explained why her mother did not end up killed; though she was badly injured.

As the sobs continued, the woman said, "Jesus protected us and my mother from getting killed", and after a short pause she said, "...and I am not angry with my father anymore, I just feel sorry for him". At that moment, I knew that not only Jesus was healing this trauma for her, but that He was also helping her to forgive her father.

Again, we asked the Holy Spirit to continue His healing over her life, and another painful memory resurfaced.

The woman described a time when she was working in the Far East. She took whatever job she could in order to feed her family. She had met a Western minister who took her in, and provided for her; and even trained her to work for him. However, all this in exchange for a controlling, sexual relationship - which, of course, opposed the teaching of the Bible, and the will of God. Before long, the woman found herself being enslaved, and often raped by this minister. He also took control over her passport, the food, and the money she had.

One day, in his anger, the minister beat the woman up to a pulp. He sat on her, slapped her, and struck her head several times until blood flowed out of her mouth. She remembered how the beating very much resembled that which was done to her mother by her father. The beating was so bad that she became momentarily unconscious. When she came to, in seeing that he was still beating her, she began to pray in her heart, "Lord, please help me, please come down, and make him stop beating me. He is supposed to be a man of God, why is he doing this to me?"

At that moment, the minister began to stop his beating, and went to the bathroom. The woman managed to drag herself to the other side of the bed, in physical pain, traumatised by what was happening to her. As she cried, she complained silently to God in her heart, "Why God, do you let this happen to me? Where are you? Why are you not here for me?"

When the minister returned from the bathroom, he decided to lock her in the room which was situated on the 27th floor of their building -- and for the next five days, the woman was locked in there with no food. The minister was starving her. He came back on the sixth day to give her one plate of food, and then left her there for another day before he released her. During this six-day period, the woman had planned to jump out of the window to kill herself, but as she was about to do so, the thought of her family came into her mind which prevented her from going through with it.

Tears ran down her cheeks, and the scarf went over her face again as if covering her shame and pain. It was time to invite Jesus into the situation. After a few moments of sobbing, the woman suddenly said:

"Jesus is there by my bed side, and He is ..... He is ....."

She began to describe how she saw Jesus sitting next to her bedside. She saw His white shawl wrapped over His head. His face was a light so bright that she could not see any of His features. Suddenly out of the bright light, she saw a teardrop, clear and pure like crystal coming out from one eye, then another drop coming out from the other eye. It was at this moment that she exclaimed,

"He is crying! .... Jesus is crying....!!"

Jesus did not utter a word to her, but she could feel He was crying because He was feeling her pain (both physical and emotional), and also His own pain because she had questioned why He was not there for her. Of course, now she saw that He was right there by her side. He had always been with her; He had never left her! But because she had chosen to live life her own way, He had to respect her freewill, and could not intervene until she asked Him to do so. The tears of Jesus that she saw pained her so much that she sobbed profusely under her scarf once more, realising she had caused the pain and hurt that Jesus was feeling.

With Jesus still by her bedside, the woman then described how Jesus drew her attention to a little sharp knife on the table, close to the bed where she was beaten. Somehow she understood that Jesus had made that knife invisible to the minister while he was beating her up, or else he would surely have used it to stab her to death. Once again she exclaimed:

"Jesus saved my life! He made that knife invisible!"

It was one of those moments of revelation of how Jesus had saved her from the danger that she had not been aware of. Oh, how good is our Lord Jesus!

Then she saw Jesus pointing His finger to the Bible, which was right next to the knife, as if to say to her to read it. But, of course, at that time she did not read it. She did not think of reading it. Now she realised that had she read it, she would have found the answers to her questions of the why-s and wherefore-s; she would have known His love for her, and His plans for her. It would have been life to her soul. Instead, it was only now, many years later, in this very session that her eyes were opened to the truth of Jesus Christ - how He loved her, how He saved her, and how He had always been there for her. The woman cried and cried into her scarf again, saying:

"Oh, I did not read that Bible. Jesus wanted me to, but I did not think to read it... oh I did not read it... I should have read it!"

One could really feel the regret in her sobs... but at least now she has arrived at the truth and revelation of Jesus Christ, and she was being healed from this moment of trauma.

Then lastly, Jesus showed how He had tapped her shoulder as she was considering jumping off the high building, and whispered to her, "What about your family?". She cried once more, saying,

"It was Him; it was Him! It was Jesus who spoke to me, and stopped me from jumping off the building and killing myself! He saved me again!"

The sobs continued as Jesus ministered to her the healing that she needed desperately. When the sobs came to a natural end, we asked the Holy Spirit again if there were any more memories He wanted to heal. Since there were no more, I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to pray over the woman to be healed from trauma, which I then proceeded to do. As I prayed for God to heal all the damages caused by trauma to the brain, the memory, the heart, the mind, the soul, the chemical imbalances, and so on, the woman felt a warmth heating up her heart. Then the heat travelled around her abdominal area, then round to her hips, and down to her back (all the places where she had been abused). It was like warm liquid honey going into the nooks and crannies of her spiritual and physical being. She was being healed in all these places! It was incredible to hear her describe the sensation that she was feeling. God is so good that He would restore, and reconstruct all that was damaged by her own poor choices and sinful life!

After the session, the woman said that whenever she revisited these three strong memories, they were no longer painful for her, nor did they make her feel angry anymore. Knowing Jesus had been there during all these terrible times of her life comforted her enormously, and helped her to forgive, and to feel sorry for the people who had hurt her. Such is the power of Jesus, His love for her, and the tears He shed for her... they were healing her, and in return, inspiring her to love Him back.

Deliverance

It was now time to deal with the evil spirits that had entered the woman's body through the ordeals in her life. My husband Rob and I worked tirelessly with the Holy Spirit for the next few hours, during which time 24 evil spirits were cast out. Interestingly, the notable spirits were:

• • The spirit of Fear which was persistent in claiming its residence in her. It ranted, and raved saying, "She's afraid of the dark, and afraid of her father. I've been here a long time, since she was six years old!". This tied in accurately with her memory of being hounded by her father holding a machete in the field of tall plants. The spirit of fear must have entered her as she fled in fear for her life at that time. After some time casting it out, the evil spirit left her, carrying with it foam and slime, which was the nest in which it had lived for all those years.

  • The spirit of Revenge was equally persistent, ranting, and raving, repeatedly saying, "I've been here since she was a baby! Leave me alone, this is my house!". This tied in accurately also with the story of how her father had repeatedly beaten her mother when her mother was expecting her. The mother's feeling of revenge towards her husband must have been transferred to her whilst she was being formed in the womb. The spirit of Revenge was particularly challenging.

Since we were relentless in casting it out, it threatened my husband Rob, screaming, "I am going to leave this body and go into you!".

But Rob quickly smacked it down saying, "You can't do that, I'm protected!"

And it responded, "Oh, where am I going? Where am I going to go?"

And Rob, in turn replied, "You are going to wander in the dry places, and at the end of time you are going to the fiery lake of burning sulphur - Revelation 20:10"

The spirit of Revenge then cried and cried at this truth, before finally leaving the woman's body in heaps of foam and slime.

• The spirit of Rape was the most challenging of all. As it was being called out and cast out, it targeted Rob. It stared at him with anger and intense hatred, shouting, "No, no, she is mine, she is mine!". This was not the first time that this happened to Rob. We discovered that the spirit of Rape (in women) hates men, and since Rob was the only man in our team, it targeted Rob and ignored the rest of us.

The spirit of Rape was particularly resistant because it was deeply rooted in the woman's being. It tried to strangle the woman twice using the woman's own hands. So, we had to be vigilant and held her hands down, away from her neck. It took just over half an hour before it would give her up and leave her body, taking with it a couple of huge balls of slime, the biggest that we had ever witnessed.

The other evil spirits left relatively quickly, leaving the woman free. We ended the session with thanksgiving to the Lord Jesus Christ who was the one to set her free, and asking the Holy Spirit to fill her, and to guide her in her new life ahead.

Jesus in Our Lives!

It is always a blessing to minister to people of varying needs. From what has happened to this woman, it is sobering for us to witness and to realise just how much Jesus cares for each one of us. During our trials and tribulations, we may not see physically where Jesus is or what He is doing, but He is always there, working things out for our good - if only we would invite Him into our situations, into our lives, even for the smallest and most mundane of needs.

The woman in this story did not see physically where Jesus was, what He was doing, or if He cared at all during her ordeals - but as she invited Him into her situations, He showed her the spiritual realm (which is actually more real than the physical realm we live in) the truth of what He was doing for her in these situations. Jesus had always been there to help her, but Jesus did not show her this truth until a time as now, when she was ready to invite Him into her situations and into her life.

So, whatever you may be going through right now, you have the choice to invite Jesus into your situations, and ask Him to show you what He is doing for you. And the Bible (His Word) can be life to your souls. When you open it, you are face to face with Him; and when you read it, you are allowing Him to speak to you.

Jesus is our advocate in all things, He understands our pain. He cries and He hurts with us, but He also defends us, and provides for our needs as we allow Him to. Oh, how good is our Lord!!! Not only did He shed His blood to pay for our sins 2000 years ago, but now as we live, He sheds His tears with us and for us through the trials of life. No words can express His goodness, His faithfulness, His love, and His deep care for us. When He touches us with these truths, we are drawn to give our hearts fully to Him in gratitude, firstly to love Him, and then to love one another (as the desire to forgive comes).

All the glory and honour to our Lord Jesus Christ!

© Elma Larsen. All rights reserved.